"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an 
   airline- it helps if you have some kind of a football
   team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you 
   need a beer."
                --Frank Zappa
  
   "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will 
   teach you to keep your mouth shut."
             --Ernest Hemmingway
  
   "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than 
   alcohol has taken out of me."
           --Winston Churchill
  
   "He was a wise man who invented beer."      
      --Plato
  
   "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."   
      --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
   "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." 
--His reply 
  
   "Work is the curse of the drinking class." 
--Oscar Wilde  
 
   "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."      
     --Henny Youngman
  
   "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."      
    --Benjamin Franklin
  
   "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking 
   beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
         --Deep Thought, Jack Handy  
 
   "Without question, the greatest invention in the history 
   of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was 
   also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly 
   as well with pizza."
            --Dave Barry
  
   "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few 
   drinks behind."
           --Humphrey Bogart
  
   "Why is American beer served cold?  So you can tell it 
   from urine."
           --David Moulton
  
   "People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of 
   beer; they just like to pee a lot."
          --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI  
 
   "Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."     
        --Kaiser Wilhelm
 
   "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."     
      --Homer Simpson
  
   "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as
   hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way
   to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
        --Dave Barry
  
   "I drink to make other people interesting."      
   --George Jean Nathan
  
   "They who drink beer will think beer."      
   --Washington Irving
  
   "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
   spend time with his fools."
       --For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway  

   "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
         --Dean Martin
  
   "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me
   so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
         --Homer Simpson
  
   "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."      
       --Catherine Zandonella
  
   "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the 
   decency to thank her."
           --W.C. Fields